Faith continued.....

I also found myself wondered how Mother Theresa could be so filled with faith. I was also raised in the Catholic, but somehow I came out the end of the tube with very little spiritual fulfillment and only a moderate amount of faith.

How is it that one person exposed to relatively similar theology could end up at opposing ends of the faith spectrum? It's a question worth asking because it forces one to focus on their own spiritual limitations. In the end, it can really only be one thing, it is my fault. I didn't do enough to grow my spirituality, I didn't feed the faith. I didn't seek to love God like I should have. I can not deny that, to do so would only shrug the responsibility from myself where it squarely belongs.

In the end, I found my faith, but not to the degree that Mother Theresa did. Not even close, I am a spiritual midget in her shadow. It is something to be ashamed of.

Can it be that one is more gifted with faith than another? While it seems plausible, I do not believe it is reasonable that God would gift any of us with more spirituality than another. So then, why is it that one would possess such incredible faith while another appears to have little or none?

Thoughts anyone?

What is faith?

For years I have prayed for God to show me my way. We have, as a couple, prayed this nearly daily for years.

But I realized something recently that shook my foundational faith. I am not really sure that I want God to show me my way, and if he did, I am not sure I would follow. Why, well, it boils down to the fact that I don't think I truly have the faith.

It all started about a month ago. I have been looking forward to reading the book "Mother Theresa: Come be my light" for many months. In fact, I tried to buy it before it came out, but I was not able to pre-order it at the time so I had to wait. I didn't make it back to the bookstore for a few months, and in that time I recieved a Kindle as a gift. One of the first books I downloaded was this book based on Mother Theresa memoirs. I love the book, but I don't want to rush through it, it's rich with deep spiritual meaning and longing. I read it voraciously at first, but have not read it for a few weeks because I got disgusted.

No, I wasn't disgusted with the book, I was disgusted with myself. You see, I realized something very disturbing- I don't think I really do want God to open my heart and mind, to lead me on my way. In reading some of the heartfelt words of Mother Theresa, I nearly cried. Mother Theresa had so much faith in her life that she followed blindly. I realized that I just don't.

For the years that I had prayed for God to lead me, to show me the way, I didn't really mean it. Because, after all, I would not go to Calucutta, I would not live without food or water and just know that God would deliver it to me when I needed it.

I may have thought I was praying for God to show me my way, but the truth is, that I probably would not follow. Perhaps God knows that and that's why my life hasn't really changed much.

The book I was reading really shook the foundation of my beliefs, to what extent do I truly trust God to lead me? I should be embarrassed to admit this to you, but God apparently already knows this, I just don't have the necessary faith.

I have tried to cover this up for years with a variety of excuses. I have kids, I need to be there for them. I have bills to pay, so I can't actually leave my job. I feel like God is trying to tell me something, but I am not sure what. All the meanwhile, I do today what I did yesterday and deep down I know that three weeks or three years from now nothing will change.

Introduction

Who are we?

This is an and age old question. Who am I, Who are you- these questions are asked of us throughout our life. How many of us were asked this same question or had to write an essay about this at school, in a job interview or other similar situation? I would guess that nearly everyone reading this post would nod affirmatively that they have indeed experienced such questions.

For me, that misses the point. I know who I am, we know who we are, heck, we know who you are too. We are all children of God. That's who we are, and for me, that is perhaps the most important recognition of one's entire discovery process. Why is this important? Well, quite simply, to know that you are a child of God first, releases you from much of the potential hang-ups on this earth. It is in fact the first necessary step in truly trying to understand the question that I think we should be asking instead of who we are.

The question we should be asking, is why did God put us here, what is our calling and how do we respond to that call.

What this blog is about

This blog is the work of Michael and Cherie Durkin. We are a deeply committed married couple from Pennsylvania that seek to better understand our place on earth and to live our lives in a way that would be pleasing to God. We desire to better understand our purpose on this earth, to live according to that purpose and to be ready willing and able to serve when called upon. 

Ok, that sounds pretty lofty doesn't it? Well, the truth is, that we have no idea how to do it, and this is, at least in part, the topic on this blog.  We will venture into different areas from time to time as we feel led to do so.

As for who will be writing, it could be either Cherie or Michael. We chose to present it this way because we believe that in discussing matters of such personal topics, it is best to do so in the context of our marriage. The notion of transparancy in our marriage is a concept of great importance to us and we do not want to invite any potential threats to our marriage. While it is entirely possible, and indeed likely, that the exact thought or message will not necessarily be shared by both at all times, it will be presented to the extent possible as one view.

We invite your feedback!

Cherie and Michael